Help! No support from my spouse.
Is your spouse supportive of your passion?
“I have never enjoyed support from this man” says a frustrated wife.
“How do I convince my wife this is God calling me to higher responsibility?” a tired husband after much persuasion.
In marriage, spousal support to one’s dreams and aspirations is crucial and an added ingredient that brings in success at the end of the day.
It is quite frustrating to have a spouse who doesn’t buy into the idea that gives you joy.
The truth is spousal support serves as a morale booster.
Some spouses intentionally disagree and even see to the failure of whatever their partners want to venture into.
While one partner tries to weigh the intellectual and physical capability of the spouse compared to what he or she wants to venture into, another sees it as a threat.
Mr. Anderson is being considered for the role of a deacon in his church but it came as a rude shock to members of the selection committee when the wife disagreed. She insisted that despite the fact that her husband passed the other criteria as slated by Paul the Apostle in 1st Timothy 3:8-13 she is not comfortable with his spiritual stand. She believes he is still a baby who hasn’t gone beyond the suckling and not fit for such delicate role. She however pleaded that her husband be mentored to maturity.
Mrs Lois Adebiyan is to come on board as the new church treasurer after Deaconess Emily Obadigbo relocated to another country that doesn’t have the presence of her home church. The leadership council had earlier decided it would be good to have a female take the role as a way of balancing the gender ratio system the ministry is operating.
Mrs Adebiyan is the preferred candidate in church being a graduate of accounting who unfortunately lost her job few years ago and she hasn’t been able to secure another since then.
Her husband politely told her to reject the role considering her jobless state which makes her susceptible to temptation and he wouldn’t want his wife to fall from grace and respect everyone has for her.
However, Mrs Adebiyan thinks he is being jealous of her since she would become a voice to reckon with in church and be above him in ranking since he happens to be just a floor member. She also feels bad that her husband could think so evil of her and insinuates she will be taking from the church’s purse.
The two spouses in these stories had genuine concern.
Even though what you are about to embark upon is good it might meet a road block but don’t give up on your dreams.
Do you desire to:
Change career or employer?
Move to another location?
Pursue a new business idea?
Further your education?
Build your own house or buy mortgage?
Have you been selected for a new appointment or role?
Is there a call of God upon your life?
And the only answer you’ve been getting is NO? Don’t give in to hatred towards your spouse.
There could be some underlining factors, what you need to do is:
Ascertain the reason for the refusal
- Does it have a selfish undertone? I have seen spouses who don’t want their partners to rise above them. Any step or idea that may want to be in the direction of success will not receive approval but a big NO.
- Is it for your well being? Your spouse may be considering your health. A loving and dutiful husband may not buy into the idea of a business that requires regular travels and lots of physical efforts.
- Does your spouse have fears of taking on new strides? Some spouses are naturally laid back; you can blame it on temperament. Using the Temperament Theory, the Phlegmatic are usually found guilty of this. They are not enthusiasts when it comes to taking on challenging roles so you need a lot of patience and conviction to get them develop interest in your new found venture. The fear of failure might be the reason for rejection.
Do your home work well
- Research well into what you want to embark upon. This will help you explain in details to your spouse. It eliminates doubts and fears.
- Seek counsel. There is safety in the multitude of counsel. You can run your idea with other people aside your spouse. Understand the pros and cons.
- Prayerfully present your case. After the first denial, don’t give up nor discard the idea. The power of prayer is till potent, involve it. Pray before you re-present that idea to your spouse.
- Produce your strong reasons. Explain the benefits the idea offers.
- Involve your spouse from the beginning. An event caterer once advised young women to always carry their husbands along in whatever they are embarking on. While sharing about some of the challenges she experienced at the early stage of her business, the caterer said because her husband didn’t understand the demands of the business usually complained of lack of care. What she does since the day the man voiced out his worry is to attend pre-event meetings. He understands the high expectation and what needs to be put in before the day of event and on the day. He gives his full support and assist where necessary.
Now that he understands the process, he gives full support.
When your spouse doesn’t understand what you do, it will pose a threat. They tend to frustrate your effort. Explain to your spouse in clear terms.
Test the idea.
This gives you an understanding of how the idea will fare. If the success rate is high, your spouse might want to reconsider. Don’t just jump on the idea.
Also, speak with an authority your spouse respects. It is good to have a Godly mentor for your marriage for such a time as this. Your spouse should have at least one person that he or she can reason with aside you and at this point you can bring the trusted individual in.
In addition, you should:
Allay the fears of your spouse by sounding convincing when you are discussing whatever idea you want to launch.
It is my prayer that God will touch the heart of a selfish spouse.
This is not to say success is guaranteed because you enjoy the support of your spouse but it goes a long way.
However, you need a shoulder to lean on when the going becomes rough. You need someone to hold your hands and tell you all will be well.
Utilize the power of positive declaration. Declare it and see things working out for your good. Proverbs chapter 18 verse 21(a) says death and life are in the power of the tongue. If you desire good fruits, declare life into your endeavors.
If your spouse doesn’t stop you from pursuing your idea, go ahead with it; as time goes on he or she might come around to support.
The important thing to do is to commit your ways unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established. Proverbs 16:3.
Whatever you lay your hands upon will prosper in Jesus’ name.